You like really just said that?

In the spring 2010 semester, I needed to take a public speaking class. After each one of my speeches, I would get 5 anonymous comment sheets from students in the class giving me feedback and “tips”….what you are about to read is pretty ridiculous and absolutely true.

Assignment: Informative speech

Topic: The World Wrestling Federation (WWF) Attitude Era (How Vince McMahon revolutionized the television entertainment industry by transforming the professional wrestling product from superheroes in tights, to new age rebels with incredibly dark and elaborate story lines. He used dangerous stunts, half naked women, racy characters, and crossed every possible line for cable TV standards to turn a company that was on the brink of bankruptcy, to a billion dollar enterprise that absolutely shattered TV ratings records.)

Anonymous student comments:

1) “You really need to be more mindful of your audience. I’m a girl that never watched wrestling, so I couldn’t relate to anything you were saying”

(Let’s see. There were only 3 girls that came to class the day of my speech, which means one of them is a really dumb bitch. If I recall correctly, of the three girls that were present that day, one did a speech on modern day witchcraft, one did a speech on designer jeans for girls that cost $400 (why everyone should own at least 3 pairs), and the other one did a speech on putting avocados on your sandwich instead of mayonnaise (as a substitute. She says you would never be able to tell it wasnt mayo) . I dont know who to yell at, so i'll just run down the list of possible morons who may have given me that review)

*My response to the girl who did her speech on modern day witchcraft:

(Are you fuking kidding me?! You cant relate to MY speech on wrestling because you’re a girl? Well maybe I couldn’t relate to YOUR speech on that black magic voodoo shit that I had to listen to for 12 minutes. Believe it or not, I’m 100% Italian. I’m not 50% Italian, 25% wicked witch of the west, and 25% I dream of Jeannie. So why don’t ya click your heels together three times, fold your arms, shake your head, and and find the fastest way possible to make it to hell, and burn there.)

*My response to the girl who did her speech on $400 jeans for girls:

(Those $400 jeans for girls you were talking about, do they come in a $30 men’s version size W30 L30? Oh wait they don’t? Really? Because I could really relate to your speech! So why don’t you try to relate to my foot going directly up your ass and shut your mouth. While you’re at it, Go find a $400 designer dildo and go fuk ya self).

*My response to the girl who did her speech on avocados instead of mayonnaise:

(“Yea jimmy…instead of using this stainless steel galvanized flex-pipe, I figured id use these plastic bendy straws! I mean, they’re like the same thing!”)


2) “I found your speech boring…please use more visual aids next time”

(More visual aids? MORE VISUAL AIDS?! Did you not see the THREE videos I played?? Were you not looking at the full color, 14 slide PowerPoint with high resolution photos I had on the huge 6’ by 6’ screen?? Like how much weed do you smoke? I know smoking kills brain cells, I didn’t know it resulted in blindness. And last I checked, a video of a guy being thrown of the top of a 20 foot high steel cage, through a table on the ground, with a crowd of 30,000 people yelling and screaming is FAR from boring. Next time ill come prepared with clips from Harold and Kumar go to white castle, Half Baked, and like the 2010 beer pong championships. More up your alley for entertainment?)

3) “I could tell you put a lot of time and effort into your speech and it really showed. Great job”

(Yea so literally 3 hours before class, I was at the Wendy’s drive through window getting a spicy chicken sandwich combo…as I was driving away, I sipped on my diet coke, ate a few fries and proceeded to open my honey mustard and started to put it on my sandwich. All of a sudden, my mind went blank.**SONAR RADAR SOUND** “I have a Speech due in three hours!!! I haven’t even started yet!” So I actually went back around through the drive through because I forgot to order my nuggets. It was the first week that Wendy’s had the spicy nuggets so I HAD to try them. I got em, and they were LEGIT. Its kinda sad that they took them off the menu though. Those nuggets were way better than the original ones and now they’re gone forever. But hey. Nickelodeon took Hey Arnold and Real Monsters off their network right? Life goes on. There is always hope though. Every now and then, subway makes their hot pastrami sub $5 (normally $8) and sometimes its buy one get one free,,,,the point is that you never really know whats gonna happen. For all we know, Nickelodeon has plans on having a marathon of our favorite shows from the mid 1990's...Maybe Burger King transforms into a vegan friendly TOFU KING. Do vegans even eat Tofu? Here is what i really find funny. The whole reason you are a vegan is due to the fact that you don't eat meat. Not because you don't like meat, or because your body cant handle it, its generally because the person is pro animal rights. They hate people that consume animals, and the mear thought of eating animal flesh is disgusting to them. SOOOOOO why do companies that make ToFu, advertise their product as tasting like meat, and having the same teture? And why do vegetarians and vegans eat this product>! Its a huge contradiction...Anyway I really hope somebody gets my sense of humor. I really do… )