A series of short Dollar King rants....

Updated Customer Questions Since My First Blog...

"Your freezer is blowing hot air, is there something wrong with it?"

( Nope its working perfectly fine! We actually enjoy selling our vitamin water at 90 degree temperatures with melting bottle caps!)

"Why did you move the Gatorade to that cooler?"

(So many things are wrong with that question. Number one, why the fuck is that of ANY concern to you? The reasons mike borger decides to move the gatorade to a different cooler, doesnt need to be publicly broadcasted. Number two, that's pretty cute that noticed i moved the gatorade. Did you notice your daughter is a huge slut with a crack addiction? She cuts her wrists too. Ya might wanna OBSERVE that)

"Now that you moved that sign to the right spot, is the price automatically changed at the register?"

(Yeah i actually just graduated from the New York College of Black Magic And VooDoo....now that i moved the sign over, ill cast a few spells, say some magic words, wave a wand, and the the computer system will know that i moved the sign, thus automatically changing the price of that broom.)

"Ohhhhh, you guys sell milk?"

(No sir. Those 12 gallons of milk on the shelf with that cute $1.28 sign are an optical illusion you dumb fuck)

"Is the only aisle where you would have shower caps?"

(Hmmm, did you try the hardware section?)

"Do you work here?" (part 2 of 4298746)

(This time i was asked this by a 7 year old boy. For God's sake i was behind the counter using the helium tanks, blowing balloons, and curling ribbon. Kid must have been a pre-k drop out =/)

"Can you show me where the sanitary napkins are?"

(okay that's a legitimate question. Nothing weird.....)

"Do you know which one works better?"

(really lady? Do you really expect me to answer that? HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT?!)

Things my manager shouldn't ask me at 3:17pm, as Gina and I are blowing up an order of 5 dozen balloons for 3:30pm with a line of customer to the back of the store:

"Mike, can you please help this nice lady find a birthday card for her grandson?"

(Well at least we have our priorities straight!)

"Hey Mike, here's $10. Can you run to Alberto's real quick to pick up my calzone?"

(I sure can! Screw the customer that already paid $40 to have her balloons ready for 3:30 as long as you have your calzone! That's the real important thing here! Let's just hope her kid won't graduate! Then not having her balloons really won't make a difference, you get to eat, and everyones happy!)

"When you get a chance, like now, can you make sure the toliet still isn't running? It's been on since sunday and Roberto couldn't fix it"

(Oh that makes a ton of sense to ask me that at a time like this! I forget i went to plumbing school. The water has been running for fucking 4 days. We can't wait another damn 14 minutes to solve this problem?????)